I live in fear of people getting sick of me. I’m afraid of happy smiles becoming forced, of conversations rushed to an impatient end, of “let me know how I can help”s turning into “oh what is it now”s. It’s only happened a few times in my life, with friendships that ran their course, but it’s a truly gutting sensation. Since I’m on the autism spectrum, sometimes I haven’t noticed it until it’s too late to change course, and that just made it feel even worse.
When a relationship breaks off like that, no matter what actually happened, it always feels like your fault. You did this. You were too needy, too talkative, too annoying, too much. Sometimes it is your fault, and sometimes it’s just a person who doesn’t appreciate you, but in any case it leaves a bruise. You start to think that there’s only so much of you that people can take, and you start to worry that it’s only a matter of time before everyone you love has had their fill.
Madeline Kenney, the singer-songwriter behind the lovely new song “I’ll Get Over It,” has had to reckon with these thoughts before. As she tells The Fader, it was inspired by anxiety over turning thirty, in an industry (and a world) that has been less than accommodating towards women once they go from young to slightly-less-young. “It’s about growing tired of myself, people growing tired of me—the pain that brings, and the acceptance that also comes from recognizing the constant nature of change.”
There are definitely hints of the pain on “I’ll Get Over It.” While the primary feeling is one of acceptance, there’s a certain sense of yearning in its sound, along with Kenney’s vocal performance; she’ll eventually get over good things, too, like “living in summer skin” (that is, youth), and coming to terms with bad things doesn’t mean that you’re OK with them happening in the first place.
Still, “I’ll Get Over It” is mostly a necessary reminder of how things change, and how that’s nothing to be afraid of. Yes, people may get tired of you, but that’s their loss, not yours; there will always be new people and new friends. Yes, aging is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life. And the song’s patient, slowly-building beauty, with thumping drums and bright synth squiggles, show the benefits of living your life, come what may.
