The title of Seba Safe’s “I Wonder” doesn’t promise any answers. And indeed the song begins with questions: “What the hell is wrong with people? / What the hell is wrong with me?”
Good questions; I wonder about that too.
But instead of answers, the rest of verse one gives instructions: “Twist the hurt into a steeple / Make more than your make-believe.”
Safe uses a concise image to deliver a complex idea. The steeple is the most prominent part of the church – visible at a distance, designating it a house of worship instead of an ordinary house, directing the eye heavenward. To make a steeple out of hurt suggests worshiping one’s pain. It’s a tempting path. Heartbreak can make a person feel so heroic.
But the verb “twist” complicates the story. In this song, hurt’s steeple is crooked. It may well be a false idol: when we twist the truth, we lie. We “make-believe.”
This verse gives us a lot of information about our narrator without saying any of it directly. He’s fed up with other people (fair enough) but he’s also fed up with himself. He gives us bad advice (worship your pain!) but also signals that he knows it’s bad (maybe he tried it himself, and found out.)
Do we trust him?
I do, mostly because he undermines his own authority.
He moves from self-righteous to self-berating, gives advice he knows is bad. This narrator is reliably unreliable. I trust him because he tells more than just his side of the story.
The song’s second set of verses are mostly a list of instructions, like stage directions for your life: “Play that song until you hate it, / Love me like I know she will.” The form is very similar to the second half of the first verse. That makes me think that these next few verses describe moments from our narrator’s life, disguised as advice. Try this out! See where it gets you.
It gets us nowhere good: “Your girl and best friend slept together / I picked you up at Ronnie’s place / your girl swallowed down every letter / he wrote all over your face.” This verse stands out: it’s the first time we hear explicitly exactly what happens. It comes as a shock to the listener, putting us in the same state of mind as the guy who’s just been cheated upon. Maybe we don’t feel quite as bad as he does, but we are at least with him in our surprise, augmented by a boost of energy from the drums.
The gift of this song is questions, not answers. His narrator rejects the answers that are offered to him: “I think you guys are great together / It’s nice you’re looking for a place / Just maybe shut the fuck up when you tell me / My place in this race.” Safe invites us to be with him in wonder – in not knowing what the hell to do.
